


The Healing Heart

by druidwolf



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pre and Post Reichenbach, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 01:19:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/druidwolf/pseuds/druidwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Months after Reichenbach, John is still struggling with the loss of his friend and trying to get his life back on track.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Healing Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is how I had been coping with Reichenbach and I just found some of these chapters sitting in my writing files.
> 
> Sorry this first one is kind of short.

John is laying in bed, reading a book.

Of course there is no need for him to be reading this book, and on some level he knows it. His chosen profession has ensured that he knows all he will ever need to about the human heart and this book offers only a rudimentary analysis at best. Despite this, he continues reading. It's a welcome alternative to staring at the walls. More than that though, it is a distraction. He _needs_ a distraction. Without it, he knows his mind will inevitably fill with thoughts of-

 _'No,'_ He commands himself. _'Focus.'_ His eyes return to the bottom of the page,

**You can feel your heart thudding away every time you put your hand to your chest, but do you have any idea what's really going on in there or what keeps your heart ticking as it should?**

A voice in the back of his mind whispers, "His heart wasn't ticking." And for a split second John's brain recalls the feels of his wrist in his hand as he desperately searched for a pulse that didn't exist. _'Stop it!'_ He chastises his own mind, angry at himself for even allowing his thoughts to drift along such a path. He flips forward a few pages.

**Fun Facts about the heart: Health experts now have proof that laughter is good medicine. Laughing can send 20% more blood flowing through your entire body for up to forty-five minutes, which greatly improves your heart health.**

_He quietly takes in the regality of the room that surrounds him, looking right, then left before he turns his attention to the man beside him. The sheet he wears is thick but still slightly see through, and John is sitting just close enough to make out the pale shade of the skin on his friend's thigh. "You wearing any pants?"_

_"No."_

_"Okay," he says._

_John meets his eyes and both men immediately burst into fits of laughter._

  


_"He was, frankly, a very bad cabby."_

_"That's true, he was a bad cabby," His friend says in agreement. "You should've seen the route he took us to get here."_

_The two men chuckle simultaneously as they walk before John remembers where they are. "Stop. We can't giggle it's a crime scene, stop it." John says for the sake of propriety, but the light tone of his voice must give away that he could really care less because the smile doesn't fade from his companion's face._

_"You're the one who shot him, don't blame me."_

_'Stop,'_ John shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

**People are more likely to have a heart attack on Monday than any other day of the week.**

_He hadn't been home more than two seconds before the first gun shot went off. His hands immediately flew to his ears and several more shots followed. He feels his heart thudding erratically in his chest as panic sets over him. Had someone broken into the flat? John rushed up the stairs and found Him sitting in the armchair by the fireplace shooting at the wall. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!"_

_"Bored."_

_"What?"_

_"BORED!" He repeated with extreme enthusiasm, jumping from the chair and aiming the firearm at the wall. John quickly cover his ears again._

Bang!

_"Bored!"_

Bang!

_"Bored!"_

_The doctor quickly grabs the gun and unloads it, setting it on the cluttered desk by the window._

_"I don't know what's got into the criminal classes. It's a good job I'm not one of them." He says as he walks over to inspect His work and pick at the wallpaper._

_"So you take it out on the wall?"_

_"The wall had it coming." He says with finality, and proceeds to flop down on the couch dramatically._

_John grips the book in his hands so hard it hurts. He closes his eyes and counts to thirty before he opens them again._

**You really can have a "broken heart". Experiencing a difficult event, such as the death of a loved one or the end to a romantic relationship, can cause the body to release stress hormones.**

His brain works too fast for him to stop it and the image of a his friend spread across the cobblestone, bloody and battered enters his mind. "NO!" John throws the book as hard as he can and it makes a satisfying smack as it collides with the wall. He puts his head in his hands and breathes deeply, trying to fight the fit he could easily fall into. _'Deep breaths. In and out. In and out.'_

Somewhere in his haze he hears the door to his room open and the cross tone of his sister's voice. "If you dented my wall, you're gonna have to pay for it." Upon seeing the state her brother is currently in though, Harriet must decide she could give a damn about the wall. She rushes over to the bed and puts her hand on his shoulder. "John." 

When he doesn't respond she lifts his head up with her hands until he has no choice but to look her in the eyes. He knows his expresion must be absolutely miserable but he doesn't have the energy to muster it away. She smiles at him sadly and his stomach turns at the pity in her eyes. "It's going to be okay John, it's all going to be okay."

He shakes his head. "No it's not. You don't understand Harry, I can't-I don't-" His words fall apart in a shuddery breath. How could he possible explain it to her? This hollow empty feeling that is constantly taking hold of him, how meaningless everything seems, how broken he feels.

Harriet rubs his shoulder reassuringly, and John can tell by the look on her face that she is at a loss for what say to console her brother. He doesn't blame her. If he were sharing a flat with someone so emotionally crippled he's not sure he would know what to say to them either. He could see her mulling over several ideas in her head before deciding on, "How about I pop a couple ready meal in the oven, grab a few bitters from the fridge, and we have dinner?" 

"You know I'm not supposed to drink." John says, though he can think of nothing that sounds more appealing.

His sister merely shrugs, "Neither am I but it's good to forget every once in awhile." She stands and offers him her hand, which he accepts allows his sister to pull him to his feet. "Besides, you've got me here. So its not as though you'll be alone," she says and walks into the living room. John follows her out, guilt pooling in his stomach as he easily translates the words his sister isn't saying, _you've got me here to make sure you don't try anything._

He was so grateful for all Harry had done for him the past few months. The Watsons weren't the type of siblings who needed to vocalize their bond or their thanks. Though they didn't always get along or agree on one another's choices, they had an unspoken agreement to be there for each other.

Dinner is silent and not a word is spoken between the two of them. They sit across from each other at the tiny card table in the center of the kitchen of Harriet's flat, the sound of silverware scraping against plates is the only noise. Normally, John would feel obligated to fill in the silence. Idle chit-chat over dinner was one of the few ways he had of trying to reassure Harry that he was okay. That things were getting better, even when they weren't. He always felt a bit guilty for making her worry. Tonight though, he's too lost in his own sadness to bother. 

John stares at his plate, absentmindedly moving the peas around with his fork. He had managed a few bites of his dinner but the majority of his attention had been on his glass, drinking until a lovely hum had encapsulated his senses. He wasn't drunk. His sister would never allow him to consume enough alcohol for it to come to that, but he was finally at the point where the harsh happenings of life became somewhat insignificant and the hurt that accompanied them was momentarily forgotten.

Until the issue is brought up in conversation.

"It really will be okay, you know." Harriet says, and he assumes she's desperate not only for conversation, but to offer some sort of comfort to her brother.

John merely sighs, his eyes remaining on his plate. "Please don't." His voice is terse and strained.

She looks at him as though he had just slapped her. The female Watson knew she should let it go, allow the dinner to continue in silence, let John return to his room, do the dishes, and then try again tomorrow but for some reason she couldn't stop herself.

"John you need to get a grip and start moving on with your life, you can't—"

"Harry please."

"—just let this destroy you. I know things seem bad now but it'll all turn itself round again."

He ignores her, picking up his glass and plate and taking them to the sink before making his way back down the hall. The bedroom door slamming behind him as she finishes her speech. 

He knew that it was rude to treat his sister this way after all she had done for him but he couldn't bring himself to care. The last thing he wanted to hear right now was that it would all be okay or that he should appreciate the little things and have faith that things would get better. Things weren't going to get better, how could they? How could he be expected to have faith in that when it felt as though there was a gaping hole in his life? With a frustrated huff he settled down onto the bed and buried his face in the pillow, waiting for sleep to take hold of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk with me on [tumblr](imminentalpha.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Also, I am an ignorant American writing a Brit fanfic so if anyone out there would like to beta some of these chapters for me and make sure I'm not mixing up my slang it would be much appreciated.


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